I am expectant- opportunities and success are coming my way. I am powerful- when I aim for a goal, I do not miss. If I do, I know that there was a bigger plan for me. I am strong- within me is the ability to overcome every obstacle and challenge that I encounter.
Happy almost New Year! Happy Capricorn Szn.. Happy Refresh Szn
Let's just be real and cut to the chase. I could start this blog post by saying some cliche thing about how wack 2020 was or how I feel bad for taking so much time away from my blog- but it wouldn't be the truth and I honestly don't feel bad at all. With less than 24 hours away from the end of a crazy ass year, I know we all are tiredddd.. Like a "Let's just get the damn thing over with" tired. If you are a mom and have ever found yourself in the labor and delivery process, I'm sure you remember the feeling of being so desperate to get the baby out that you couldn't even think about the impending pain anymore.. ya, that is the type of tired I feel about 2020.
As the New Year approaches, I have found myself more focused on reflection and vision rather than reaction. While 2020 was one of the most transformative years of my life, it was also one of the hardest. I battled some rough times in my personal life that I did not know that I would come back from. The good news? I did come back. I not only came back from these situations but I bounced back thriving. I learned about how to establish boundaries (hence the NO is a Complete Sentence Hoodie). I learned about resilience. I learned tenancy and I am developing a higher level of confidence.
My health has not been the strongest over the last few months and it has really put a strain on me. Frustrated that my body is not able to keep up with the speed of my goals has been a humbling ass experience. I still have not learned how to navigate this space of managing illness, career and womanhood. I am now prioritizing my physical health more than I ever have. Making exercise a part of my daily routine, developing a stronger relationship with food and detoxing from alcohol (sober for 6 months) has changed my life from the inside out. Even though I may not always feel my best, I enjoy the way I look and that gives me confidence to keep going.
My marriage (though now stronger than ever) went through a really rough patch during the Summer. 5 years, 2 babies (under 3), a thriving business and a cross country move can do that to a couple (did I add in we were on a toxic ass TV show? lol). Our communication sucked, our marriage "playbook" needed to be amended and covid really highlighted that, quickly. The bounce back? Space, time, couples therapy and a shared interest in figuring out our own issues as individuals. It's funny how life will cause you to slow down and reevaluate what is really important. With my marriage, what I thought was the root of our issues really turned out to just be a symptom. Realizing that maybe you may be the problem sometimes? priceless.
In 2020, my "plans" for my business were developed and drafted only to be redrafted over and over again. 10 months ago I was plotting on opening a health smoothie store only 4 months after that to be creating my own lifestyle brand, Eunoia by Nikki. COVID may of shifted my business model, but it did not take away my willingness to get back up and go back to the drawing board. Sometimes you need to pivot with your plans and other times, you need to rip up the plan and get a fresh sheet of paper- both times are equally important.
Launching Eunoia by Nikki has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and easily, one of the most rewarding. Launching my brand has taught me to trust myself, to respect my own voice and to embrace risks knowing that I can come back from anything. It's funny how you really do not know your own strength until you are put in a position to use it without anyone else to lean on. Designing the pieces for Eunoia, identifying the foundation for the brand, daring to see something that I knew nobody else would be able to understand in the beginning- that took BALLS. I am proud of what I have built and in the first time in a very long time, I feel like I am on the right path. So far- the risk has paid off, majorly. I am operating in my purpose and the right tribe is being built. I am committed to seeing this all the way through because I know I have something special on my hands. I am just now getting started.
And while there has been so much beauty in duality in 2020, I am also sensitive to the fact that the journey into December 31, 2020 has not been one size fits all for everyone else. Among the wins, there may have been losses. Amid all of the growth, you may have felt confusion. If you are sitting in a place where things seem unclear and your future feels uncertain- please know that I am validating your experience and will not try to tell you some cliche statement about why you shouldn’t feel the way you do. Anxiety is a MF and often, debilitating.
rec·i·pe /ˈresəˌpē/ The only way I have ever gotten through it is to feel through it. The second I take my hands off trying to change or improve the way I feel in moments of anxiety, the clouds always seem to lift. It's funny what surrendering can do.
I am attaching myself to hope. I am not disappointed in my progress, but honor where I am and where I am going.
So what does all this mean Nik? Well- one, I'm back to blogging, to creating full time and I will say, I feel better than ever. Creating from a space of inspiration, fulfillment and most of all, intention has given me a clear vision of where I am going and what I want for my life. I am ready to show up in all of the hallways of my life and I hope you will continue to show up with me.
Whether it is creatively, professionally or personally- I think 2021 will require us all to show up with a different level of focus and discipline than ever before. Gone are the days of using not knowing as an excuse for why you have not done what you intended to do. Outside circumstances, no matter how pivotal they are, cannot be a crutch for not executing your goals. Why? Because this year has shown us that we have to be the architect over our own life. 2020 has shown us that t That situations can be in fact both good and bad and it’s up to us what we decide to do with them. Perspective paves the way for possibility, without it- we will always be controlled by things we have absolutely no control of.
homework- Intentionality over Idealism
As you are beginning to write out your goals for the New Year, I encourage you to do so from a space of intentionality and mindfulness rather than idealism, aka the root of what you truly need vs. the perfect version of what you want. Over the next few days, social media will be flooded with a million and one versions of a vision board party (hopefully the socially distanced kind) and it will be easy to get sucked into the FOMO. Don't fall for it, please (unless you just really like cutting out magazine images and glueing them on poster board, and if thats your thing, by all means- get to cuttin). Someone else’s recipe for success may not make your cake rise. Take what you need from the "inspiration" and leave the rest in the sink.
Develop your 2021 vision with this question at the root of every goal, "What type of life do I want to live in 2021?" Chances are, if you keep that question at the forefront of every goal you establish, you will develop a 360 vision for your life that is rooted in intentionality rather than metrics. Make sure to carve out space for life to happen in your written 2021 vision, even the most sophisticated blueprints have contingency plans.
noun "The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them."
keep it a stack- (aka let's be real)
And if you are NOT approaching the start of 2021 with a New Year, New Me vibe- that's fine too. If you find yourself still unsure of what the future holds for you and you are uninspired to make any real goals for 2021 right now- I see you too. If all you did was survive 2020 with your life, your health and your family intact, you are still ahead of many and exactly in the lane you need to be. This is not the time to compare notes or run races- your path will clear when the fog lifts, you just need to give it time and trust.
The reality is that sometimes situations suck, times get hard and we lose our way. A cliche "new year, new me" list probably won't change that fact any more than a magazine-image vision board will manifest your dreams. The work starts and stops with how you choose to crawl forward or jog backward, the choice is yours. The work is the shit that isn't always fun. The work is showing up when it feels easier not to. The work is taking accountability. The work is deciding to put yourself first at all costs. The good news though? Knowing that your reality is temporary sheds a level of hope that helps things seem more clear, manageable and attainable. Clarity brings confidence and confidence brings alignment- nothing stays wack forever.
the wrap up.
I am wishing so much love and abundance for you all as we head into the start of 2021. May the next several hours bring revelation, introspection and a feeling of calm. I hope you find inspiration amidst all of the crazy shit that is going on outside and you use that inspiration to propel you forward. Whether that is in career, in love, in health or in a combination of all 3- you are deserving of a life you desire and you get to paint and re-paint that picture as vividly as you want as many times as you need to.
The Daily by Nikki D community has grown so much over the last few years and as I have evolved, so has my content. You can expect weekly blog posts focused on all things self-care, self-improvement and self-discovery within these posts from here out. Of course, all blog content will be heavily seasoned with a bit of me so I hope you enjoy the extra kick.
~In Love. In Light. On Purpose
If you have not grabbed your copy of the Pause Planner by Eunoia, now is a great time to reserve a copy. Click Here