Self-Improvement? Girl, I'm Tired

I am tired of trying to be a better me.. 
(way to really give a warm welcome Niekiha lol)

No seriously, I can't be the only one who feels an overwhelming sense of self-improvement fatigue. Every time I open my phone, I am met with the incoherent musings of woke** podcasts, an influx of "That Girl" vlogs on TikTok and ad's for the newest self-care product that's promises to make me look younger or somehow make my morning 6am wakeup, seamless.. Bitch, I am tireddtttt

Now, I know that this sounds a bit pessimistic and I promise, that is not my goal. It's just that I, like most mid-thirty millennials am trying to find a million ways to do a million more things while making it look like I am doing nothing at the same time. While managing entrepreneurship, a family, an inconsistent workout routine and a social life- devoting time to "better" myself feels like a full time job in itself.

For me, 2022 has been NOTHING short of challenging to say the least. This year has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me personally, romantically and professionally. I have been faced with a bunch of growing pains in the process of navigating this post-covid era.

Now more than ever before, I find myself searching for ways to make things in my life easier, better and more aligned. I am always looking for answers,** often outside of myself, to help me get through my day. Through these challenges, I feel like I have been in a season to reevaluating how I show up in the world and ultimately, how I show up for myself.

In the midst of scrolling, reading, downloading and planning, I find myself tired and truly, overwhelmed. As if I was in 4th grade again trying to be the smartest kid in the class again, I feel like I have become obsessed with trying to improve myself in an unrealistic amount of time. From monitoring how I wake up (i.e the perfect morning routine), to how much water I drink, how often I journal or how many pages of as book I am able to read before scrolling Instagram- I am constantly thinking about whether what I am doing is "healthy" enough and, if I need to document it all to create content to share in the process. 

Don't get me wrong, in no way am I complaining about the commitment I make towards making myself the best possible version of ME, I am proud of it. Actually, I feel that my commitment to making myself better is one of my best strengths as a woman. I want to be a better, healthier, more mindful woman who balances the ebbs and flows of life with ease, grace and femininity (insert cliche soft-life quote). I just do not want to feel overwhelmed in pursuing it all.

For me (and many other people), consuming inspirational content does anything but inspire. Instead it can create feelings of inadequacy and comparison that is anything but helpful or inspiring.

"Why can't I seem get up and workout everyday?" Because maybe your body needs rest and you could benefit from a evening workout instead.

"How come I can't meditate and journal at 5am like my favorite influencer does?." You can- you just need to do it in your own time, in your own way.

In an effort to inspire people to improve their lives, we have to be mindful that we are being transparent and authentic in the process, sharing our losses just as openly as we share our wins. Alternatively, as everyday people consuming content- we have to remember that self-improvement is not one size fits all and nobody has it all together, no matter how perfect they may seem. Like most things in life, we have to exercise balance in how we commit to improving ourselves through small, everyday practices that add up to healthy and transformative results. Improving yourself is a journey, not a destination. Our everyday self-care activities are more about the discipline and commitment towards practicing them and less about the perfection surrounding them.

In an effort of trying to be a better me- I am growing and healing.
Even the mindset to address my everyday routine and self-care practices is a sign of growth and something I should be proud of- no matter the initial outcome or process.

Whether I am tuning into positive podcasts in the morning, reading a new self-help book or downloading a new app to stay more organized, I need to stop assuming that improving myself or daily routine is a simple action item I can cross off of my to-do list. I must learn to be ok with MY VERSION of self-improvement even if it doesn't look perfect. I need to digest the fact that like most things in life, self-improvement is a process that will often be met with a million starts and stops. The willingness to keep restarting, keep relearning and keep improving is half the battle.

The commitment to being the best version of me is the true FLEX

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